Description of a chain of events, which led
to a spiritual experience.

In the end of the eighties headache appeared, first in the neck and only 1-2 times the week. After approximately one year the headache had become a daily migraine. I woke up with it and went to bed with it. All attempts to fight it made it only worse. No medicines, whether natural or chemical, could affect it in any way. The only way to escape was sleep or a kind of meditation, despite me always having been against any kind of so-called "spiritual practice", but this permanent pain let me sink into a condition of absence each morning right after waking up. In this condition the pain was experienced only like a vibrating light in awareness. There was no one any more who had pain. Mostly after 4-5 hours I emerged spontaneously from the meditation and with "ME" emerged the pain. From heaven to hell. Somehow afterwards I managed to go into the studio and paint more or less successfully, and to create myself more or less my daily routine.

In this way about 4 years passed, until one morning I emerged from this meditation already after 2 hours and switched the television on, in order to watch again the stock exchange news. Coincidentally a television play of the BBC, the Mahabharata, was shown.

The Mahabharata is an Indian Gods-and-Heroes-epos in which Lord Krishna tries to convey to the hero Arjuna in many lessons that he does not have free will and that - despite his totally pacifist life attitude - he will be entangled in battles and wars and kill innumerable opponents.

Actually I wanted to immediately switch further to the stock exchange, because in the meantime I lived off it as far as possible, my career as an artist had moved towards zero owing to the migraine, but something prevented me from switching further. First with just a little and then with more and more interest I followed the play progress. At the end all were dead and Krishna took the brother of Arjuna, Yuddhistra, who in the meantime had turned into a true disciple, to heaven, where all his enemies had landed and were spending their time joyfully. He asked Krishna for the whereabouts of his friends and family to which Krishna answered that they all had landed in hell. "I want to be with my friends, the relative joy of heaven means nothing to me anymore", answered Yuddhistra. So, off to hell. There he saw all his friends and family burning in the hellfire of suffering, and he himself sank into the deepest sadness of being. After a while Krishna asked him if he could accept to remain in this condition forever.

By then I was involved in such a way, completely identified with Yuddhistra, that the question was addressed to me. He or I answered: "Yes, there is no desire for change or for avoidance of pain or suffering, and if this should stay as such for the remainder of my existence, so be it ". Meanwhile my headache had increased to such an extent, that at this moment, explosion-like through the back of my head, pure light filled my perception. This was a moment of absolute acceptance of being. Time stopped, Karl and the world had disappeared and a kind of Is-ness in a glaring light appeared, a pulsating silence, an absolute aliveness, in itself perfect - and I was that.

After an "eternity" (3-4 hours clock time), Karl and the world were there again, but the headache was gone. Instead an absolute acceptance remained and the knowledge that time appears in that what I am, and that what I am is prior to time. That everything that is in time, any sensation, cannot touch that which in itself is absolute, that which is life itself.

Through a chain of events and circumstances, which were at no time willed, intended or influenced by "Karl" - despite and not because of all searching - the absolute acceptance, the perfect love, the primordial ground of existence had become aware of itself.

And all experience never was nor is "my" or "your" experiencing, but life lives itself in everything which is and is not.

And you are that. That is your true nature, eternal, prior to the appearance of time and space and all that arises in it, eternally untouched: The absolute awareness, which perceives itself in itself. Truth itself.